I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
