I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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