she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
