you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
