When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
