Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
