Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
