Dude my mom stole all your condoms
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
