my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Randomize
