so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
