i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
