Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
