an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
