she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
