Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
