There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
