I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
