my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
