HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
