While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
