I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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