I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
My vagina is very pro this idea
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
