im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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