Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
