I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
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