Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
