He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
