I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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