totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Randomize
