I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
