Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
