So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I just gift wrapped bread.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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