Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
