If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
