I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Randomize
