there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
