We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
