there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
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