The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
