I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I skipped work to stalk him.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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