I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
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