My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
