New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
porn star boner night. come get it.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
