Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
