you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
