Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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