Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
