i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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