Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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