he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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