So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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