So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
