I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
